A week on, nothing’s changed.
I still look down at AJ’s crib and see a creature, a stranger, not my own flesh and blood.
Sure, now I’m able to hold him and feed him… but as far as feeling any kind of connection to him, I just can’t. I want to…but I can’t.
It’s so easy for Cheesebutt, he’s such a natural at this. Why is it so damn hard for me?
Like I said about Bassy, there isn’t anything in the world I wouldn’t do for him. Same as my nephew, Neil. But AJ? I just don’t ‘feel’ anything.
Of course, it’s not helping that Bassy’s graduation is imminent. He’s been to the house for me to help him with his speech. And I’ve thrown myself head-long into this new novel. Funny thing about maternity leaves, they give you time to do things you’ve been putting off. I guess I’m … preoccupied.
But too preoccupied to deal with my own child?
Satis and Imsety are feeling the pinch, too. I just got them the new Simlish chart to help them with the alphabet for easy reference. They’re going to be teenagers soon, and I’m afraid of that even more than I am afraid of potty training AJ.
I think I need a nice lie-in at the cemetery.
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