The Psych Ward

Sierra was placed in the psychiatric ward at Rudolph Vanderburg Memorial Hospital in Hidden Springs, which is known as perhaps the finest psychiatric facility in all of Simland.  In fact, Hidden Springs as a whole is noted for its medicine, long revered as the best in the country.

My husband and I made the tough choices. It was not easy sending our daughter away to a facility, but after he and I talked it over, we felt that since she had become a danger to herself and to others, that it wouldn't be so bad if she could get the help she so desperately needs.

She's obviously deeply troubled and desperately unhappy.  I just want my little girl back.  This sullen, angry individual is not my little girl.

Sierra's room is on the third floor at RV hospital.  

When I walked in to see her, she was resting comfortably on her bed, wearing a hospital gown. 

"How are you, honey?" I called sweetly.  "Did you sleep good?"

Sierra slowly rose from her bed.  She took awhile to just stare at me and look me over.  "Mom?" she asked, in a voice that was almost girlish.  She usually speaks in a raspy cadence not unlike my own, but today she was unusually high pitched.  Sure, she was seventeen, but she sounded much younger.

 I took a few seconds to collect myself.  How did we get here? I wondered.  How did my little girl go from a normal kid to a monster?

I looked at her again.  The monster has my face.  Sure, her hair is shorter and she has blue eyes and her father's tanned complexion, but she has my face on her.  My eye shape, my cheekbones, my nose, my mouth.  Everything.  It's like looking in the mirror at my younger self.  Younger, angrier, and even more confused.
Sierra called me again.  "Mom."
This time, her voice was plaintive, pleading.
"Mom, what are you doing here?"
"It's visiting hours," I said.  "I came to see you, see how you were doing."

"Do you know what happened to me last night?" she shouted.  "Do you even care?"
I sighed and took a deep breath, remembering what Dr. Bill said.  She has trouble expressing her emotions, so she defaults to shouting and violence because it's most comfortable for her.  "Of course I care, Sierra.  What happened last night?"
"I couldn't sleep.  Tossed and turned all night even though they gave me enough elixir to put a horse to bed."

I attempted to reach her, put my hand on her, but she turned away. 

"Sierra!" I shouted, hoping to get her attention through her rage. 

For the first time, I realized something. 

Sierra's anger was masking a great deal of pain.

My little girl is hurting.  I so badly want to make her all better and take her home. 

 

After calming down, she looked at me haltingly, pleadingly.  "Do you love me?"

I sighed again.  "Of course I love you, Sierra.  I'm going to always love you."

"Why?"

I thought it was a silly question.  "Because you're my daughter.  You came out of me.  You're a part of me."

"Then why did you put me away?"

"I did it because I love you.  You're sick right now and I want you to get better."  I exhaled another huge gulp of air. "The things you're doing right now, they're not safe, they're not legal, they put yourself and others in danger.  I mean, just the things you've admitted to, the lying, the stealing, assault - you could go away for a very, very long time. You know, Sierra, you are me."

Sierra looked confused.  "What do you mean?"

"Everything you've done, everything you're doing, all those things, I did.  I mean, I was never actually a criminal, but sneaking to the cemeteries, exploring the catacombs, beating up kids, not socializing with others, flunking out of school, experimenting with the occult, going goth, arguing with authority figures - all those things, everything you're doing, Sierra, I did.  Am I proud of what I did?  No, I'm not."

"Why'd you do it?"

It took awhile for me to come up with something resembling an answer.  "Part of it was because my mom was a socialite and I didn't want any part of that life.  Another part was I wanted to see how mad I could make my mom." 

Sierra managed a small chuckle, then changed the subject.  "You don't like me being gay, do you?" she asked, somewhat out of the blue.

"What makes you think that?"

"Oh, I read some of the things you post about me on Simbook."

I puffed out air again.  "Sierra, I'm going to love and accept you no matter what.  You're my daughter, and I love you."

"I've known I was different, I knew something was wrong with me."

"You know, Sierra, there's nothing wrong with you, you're just special.  You surprised me when the day after you turned teen, you chopped off all your hair."

"I prefer wearing boys' clothes, I'm more comfortable around guys -"

"Sierra, you know what?  I was the same way.  I was totally a Daddy's girl.  Grandpa Plumb and I did everything together when I was young.  I think my mother was at least slightly jealous.  My mother used to put these dresses on me to go to school, and I'd come home with them ripped because I was climbing trees and chasing boys on the playground.  You're going to be who you are, regardless of what happens here.  But, you're here to learn some different skills so that you can live a better, happier life.  This life that you're leading, is miserable.  You can't be happy right now."