Deja vu

My last shouting match with Sierra at the hospital got me to thinking.  I've been down this road before.  

Except I was the child... and I wanted nothing to do with MY mother.

The day I got married, my mother and I barely even spoke.  She never even said 'congratulations.'

I never imagined I would be on the receiving end of an angry girl's barbs and insults.

Sierra popped me in the gut. 

From the moment she was born it seemed she was doing things that made all of us shake our heads.  But this latest outburst seemed to come completely out of left field. 
Dr. Bill said she was like a volcano just waiting to burst.  And the scary part is, I don't think she's done yet.  I think she's just getting started. 

"Lady, that girl in there is in a great deal of pain."

I nodded my head.

"She is hurting, deeply. And she is screaming for her mommy to make her all better. Her father cannot help her in this instance, it's you she wants and needs. As the same sex parent, you are her primary role model and the mirror that she holds herself up to. She's not trying to push you away, actually, it's the contrary. She's trying to reach OUT to you in the only way she knows how. She wants YOU in the worst way."

"How do I talk to her? I don't know how to talk to her. I don't know how to parent her."

"You don't know how to parent her because you were never mothered yourself by a woman. In many ways, your husband has been your mother."

I had to agree with that sentiment.

"He's had to play many roles, more roles than he probably initially signed up for, but he's done a remarkable job given the circumstances. Other men would have long walked away."

"Don't think I haven't thought about that."

"How do you mother this girl? She needs hugs and affection, not shouting and belligerence. She's going through some things that she wants you to help her understand. She needs someone to teach her how to be a woman, and that person is you."

I had to laugh.  Not a funny laugh, but a nervous one.  "Like heck I know?  I was an adventurer and ghost hunter.  I may be wearing lipstick and high heels now but deep down --"

"Deep down - what?"

"I'd rather dress like my daughter."

Dr. Bill finally let out a smile.  "Ah hah!  That's it!"

"What?"

"You have to meet Sierra where she is, on her level.  Do something with her that she likes, break the ice a little bit.  Even if it's something as simple as catch."