Time marches on

The dust was settling on the fact that Noah was now an elder.

Combine that with Ari's revelation that two of my classmates from school, Darrel and Windy, have settled down with significant others, and I got to thinking.

Here I was, halfway through YA, and I'd never even had a boyfriend. I've never even been kissed.

It's no wonder, then, that the next morning I woke up absolutely sick to my stomach and puking out my guts. I think it was realizing that my parents were not long for this life, that very soon both will be going on to the afterlife. And I would be left here, with my brother and nephew.
I think it was also realizing that while I'm waiting for this adoption to go through, my own biological clock is tick, ticking away. And while I have plenty of male acquaintances, friends even, especially abroad, I don't have a 'special friend,' that one person I could share my life with.
Some of this, though, is my own fault. I realize mom was right when she said I was as stubborn as a mule. I know I am stubborn, I like having things my way. I've always been like this. I also think part of this is perfectionism. I don't want to completely commit myself unless it's with the right person. You understand.

I have the example of my parents, who despite everything have managed to grow old together and still be madly in love. Heck I heard them upstairs woohooing just the other night. Noah and Sadie, despited their difficulties with Neil, have also managed to grow old together.

I know that someday I'll be old, and I want to have someone to grow old right beside me.