Saturday, April 26, 2014

Sierra scares every pixel on me.

Let me explain.
 



Sage found THIS in Sierra's room while she was cleaning it up.  And yes, it's exactly what it looks like.  It's a genie lamp. 

Sage says Sierra found it while we were living in Moonlight Falls, when she explored the catacombs there.  Sierra had sworn her to secrecy about it. 

Here's the thing about Sierra, though, that scares every pixel on me (and I don't frighten easily!).  I have absolutely no idea what she is capable of.   Strange for a mother to say that about her own daughter, but in this case it's absolutely true.

I have no idea what she is capable of

My other children, for the most part, are an open book, what you see is pretty much what you get.  Sierra, though... I just know there's a well of untapped potential there, both good and bad.  I know that she's whip smart, but I also know she is self-destructive. 

I know someone who was like that.  Me. 
I know someone else like that, too.  My baby brother. 
And I know someone else like that, too.  My older son, Andrew Jr.

But none of us have it to the degree of Sierra. 

You know, Sierra's teacher once told me, that she's either got one of two outcomes.  She's going to win the Simbel prize or she's going to end up in jail for the rest of her life. 

They gave her a nickname at Fort Starch:  "Sierra the Terror."  You got to be pretty bad if they give you a nickname at a place like Fort Starch. 



The biggest reason Sierra scares me so much is because she is me.  Period.  

She is me in every way.  It's like looking in a mirror at my younger self.   

I went through this checklist of the things I did as a child, teen, and young woman and she's either done or still doing most or all of them.  It's astonishing and I'm simply gobsmacked. 
  • Exploring catacombs, check.  I didn't find out about that till Sage showed me the genie lamp she found. 
  • Few or no friends, check.  Sierra could care less about socializing, much like I didn't.  That's where she and I are similar, she definitely prefers her own company.  Since her childhood she was friends with that girl Camberleigh and I think Cammie still talks to her, but that's just about it.   Cammie seems to get that Sierra is a lone wolf.  Reminds me of my old friend, Ari... where is Ari these days, anyway? 
  • Beating up other kids in school, that's a big check, although I got into most of my fights in elementary school.  She's doing it now in high school and is brazen enough to post her victories online.   
  • Tomboy, yes, this is a check.  In fact, I think Sierra might be worse than I was, and I was pretty bad. She's definitely more athletic and more into sports than I was.  In fact, despite my high heels, makeup, and professor suits now, I'm still a tomboy.  Get me in a tomb and you'd see.   
  • Flunking out of school when you've got super-high test scores, check and check.  I remember my mother had gone to the school and she was talking to my dad about me failing classes.  It wasn't that I was failing classes, I just didn't want to go because I already knew what they were talking about.  When I went to the school for Sierra, they told me that she'd barely been in class the entire semester, and her test scores were so high they were putting her in college-level courses.   In fact, I suspect Sierra has not been challenged in school
  • Experimenting with the occult.  Check.  When I was a child and teen, my favorite place to sleep was not my bed at home, but at the cemetery, surrounded by the ghosts of the town's past.  I know that Sierra has dabbled in alchemy and was seeing a psychic until I ran that charlatan out of town.   
  • Going goth.  Yes, that's a check, too, although her goth stage has lasted longer than mine did.  And her involvement with the scene is much deeper than mine was.  
  • Getting sent home by the police repeatedly.  Check.  In fact, the police know her by name, as they knew me by name.  I was pissed off that night I was with Cheesebreath (yes, that's Andy, my husband, best friend and the father of my children) and I was sent home and he wasn't.  He still jokes about it.   
  • Bad relationships with family.  Definite check.  My relationship with my mother had deteriorated to the point where we wouldn't speak to each other, and it's still pretty much strained today.  When poor AJ was in the hospital Sierra didn't even bother going to see him, even though she's partly responsible for having put him there in the first place.
  • Sexuality issues.  Yes, that's a check, too, I'm not going to lie.  That's exactly what I thought of the night Sierra came out, the night of her prom. 
  • Oh and one more thing.  Sierra told me she wants to go to Egypt.  I'm still shaking my head at that one.

At this point I think I'm the only one who can save her.  After all, she is me, only younger and even more extreme. 

College might be her only option. 

I hope it works.   



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