Update #1

 

AJ has been talking lately, about what happened to him at Fort Starch. 

"Sety and I were escorted to our dorms. Sety and I were placed in separate regiments so we actually hardly saw each other after arriving."

"The commandant there was Capt. Derek Downey, who, coincidentally, was Zachary's father. Zachary was the boy whose house I hit with eggs and firebombs. He didn't like me much. He seemed to have it in for me and was harder on me than he was on the rest of the boys in the regiment."

"I spent most of my days running around campus. building my endurance.  I hated being there, up in the mountains.  It was cold, lonely, and miserable."

"Commandant Downey worked my ass off, had pretty much singled me out, just because of what had happened between me and his kid," AJ said. "I felt like it just wasn't fair. Other kids were pickin' on him too. He looked like a freak. I felt like he was punishing me for what had happened to his boy."

"You know, son, maybe you should write something about what happened to you at Fort Starch. You know, like a cautionary tale, so other kids could learn from what happened to you."

"I dunno, mom," AJ mumbled through his sandwich. "It's still, you know, it's still too raw right now."
"Do you want to talk to someone about it? I mean, I can give you the number of Sage's counselor –"

"I don't want to speak to no d**n counselor!" he thundered angrily.
"You know," I tried to reason, "I just think it might help. It seems to have helped your sister."

I was referring, of course, to Sage’s visit to Dr. Bill.  She has to go back this week, but I have to say she has made tremendous progress.

She’s even made a new friend, who happens to be as horse-crazy as she is.  They like riding through the woods together and hanging out at the horse park. 

I actually think the animals have helped her.  I swear, that girl has a way with the four-legged set. 

And she’s apparently one heck of a diarist.  Dr. Bill had suggested she keep one, and from what I’m told, she’s taken off running with it. 

I’m really worried about AJ.  Ever since he got back, he’s been pretty angry and withdrawn.  I want him to talk to Sage’s counselor, and it just seems like, you know, he’s blaming me for his issues.  He’s so angry with me. And I can’t blame him.  If I was him, I’d be angry with me too.  I failed that boy, badly. 

When he was born I failed to connect with him.  I couldn’t believe that this was actually my son. 

I was holding and feeding him one week on, but I still failed to develop any kind of connection with him. 

I wish I could say it was easier with the other kids, but it wasn’t.  While they were infants, I failed to develop the kind of maternal instincts that I should have, even though they came out of me.  Heck, it was easier for me to bond with Satis than it was either of my biological children. 

Pathetic.