Counseling part 3

 

We were back at the office the next day. 

“You’re worried about your sister too.”

“Absolutely,” Sage said through muffled tears. 

“You saw your brothers go off to boot camp and you don’t want to see her go too.”

“No.”

“Sage,” said Dr. McGaw, “let’s forget about your mother and your sister for a second.  Tell me about you.  What do you like to do?”

“Well,” Sage replied, “I, uh, I like to paint sometimes.  And ride horses.  I, uh, took ballet classes when I was little –“

“That’s a start.  You think maybe once you get settled into school that you can start making some friends outside of your family?”

“Um, I’m still fairly shy around people I don’t know well.”

“Well,” Dr. McGaw smiled, “you’re talking to me pretty good.”

Television cameras began to roll as Andy and I took our seats.  We watched as our dear 14-year-old daughter, Sage Margaret, walked out of the therapist’s office.  It looked as though she had been crying. 

While Imsety and AJ put us in front of a judge and jury, Sage has dragged us to a friggin’ therapist.  What the heck is wrong with us?  Are we bad parents?

“I just got done talking to y’all’s daughter,” began Dr. McGaw with a Southern twang.  “I gotta tell ya, huh, y’all two make some gorgeous kids.  Sage has got a lot goin’ for her.  She’s beautiful, she’s very bright, and she’s, I think, incredibly perceptive. But listen to me when I tell ya, that young lady in there is in real pain.  She ain’t fakin’ it.  I know when somebody is puttin’ on to get attention, and she ain’t doin’ it.  She’s hurtin'.  She’s really hurtin.’”

Before Andy and I could get a word out, he continued to talk.  “A lot of parents want to bring the child to the therapy altar and say, ‘Fix him’ or ‘Fix her’ and be done with it.  But I tell you, as I tell my other parents, when kids are born they are a blank slate.  You start writing on them as soon as they are born.  And what you have written on that child is causing her enormous pain.  I can’t fix her without fixin’ the two of you.  And I gotta tell ya, the two of you need more fixin’ than she does.”

I leapt to my feet.  “I didn’t do anything wrong!” I shouted.  “I went to work –“

“Savannah, what I was saying in the office and a lot of people fall into this trap, you’ve been in this ivory tower of academia for so long, you’ve failed to see what was happening with your own children.  You’ve got two kids, right – one you adopted and your biological son – at Fort Starch military academy, boot camp, right now, ordered there by a judge because of bad behavior.”

I nodded my head.

“Your other adopted daughter defied you and high-tailed it to Egypt.”

I nodded my head again.  “I really didn’t want her to go.  It’s still much too dangerous there.  And I don’t have the energy to go and get her because I’ve got so much going on over here –“

“Your youngest one, the little girl, is already skipping school and having disciplinary problems.”

I nodded again.

“And you’ve got this one here, she’s the one that writes the letter, basically begging you, Savannah, to quit grousing and be her mother.  I read that whole three page letter.  She’s not angry with you, far from it.  I tell you, based on what I know about the situation, if I were your daughter, I’d feel like she is, like you’re only giving her a part of yourself.  Yet you drag her to therapy, and she might be in the best shape out of all of ‘em,”

I sighed. 

“And you’re pregnant again.”

I took a deep blowing breath.

“And you don’t think this is a problem?”

I spoke up.  “Oh I absolutely know it’s a problem.  That’s why I’m here.”

“Will you agree, then, Savannah – and Andrew – that the two of you have made mistakes in parenting these children?”

“Absolutely.”

“Will you agree, Savannah, that you have basically abdicated your parental responsibilities to your husband?”

I took a deep breath.  “It’s painful for me to admit, but yes, in a way, I have.”

“Why?  Why did you do that?”

It took Andrew and me awhile to come up with a response.