Reflections on motherhood

Some people take to motherhood like a fish to water.  I, Savannah Rachel Plumb Cheesman, was not one of those people.

No one accused me of being a Susie Homemaker type.  I was an adventurer, get up and go.  I was constantly on the move, whether I was in Egypt, China, or France.  I dug through tombs and fought ghosts.  Being a mother?  That was anathema to me.

And then I adopted Satis and Imsety.

Suddenly, I went from a free agent to a mother of two.  That alone represented a huge change in my life.  Instead of packing up and leaving whenever I wanted, my children had to tag along.  And even though I didn't give birth to them, they were my children.

Starting out with six year olds wasn't exactly the most conventional start to motherhood.  I didn't have diapers to change or bottles to feed.  I didn't have to wake up in the middle of the night, at least, not every night.  Beginning with six year olds gave me somewhat of a head start. I had to teach them both Simlish and life skills.

I got the real rude awakening, though, when I got married to my husband Andy, and immediately after that, got pregnant.

Three simdays later, I gave birth to my first biological child, a son I named Andrew after my husband, in the maternity ward at Sacred Spleen Hospital.  Objectively, Andrew, or AJ as we called him, was an adorable baby.  He had a tuft of dark copper hair and his father's hazel-brown eyes.  We wrapped him in the blue blanket they gave us at the hospital.

It was after I took him home from the hospital, that the whole thing hit me like a ton of bricks.  "I’m not sure if I could get used to being a parent," I wrote in my journal then. "I’m not even sure if I’m cut out for this. Whatever, it’s done, and I’m stuck with him, for life."

I know that those are not words a mother should be writing about her own flesh and blood.  But they represented what I felt at the time.  And I knew intellectually that something was wrong about feeling that way.

I did have someone to confide in about my jumble of emotions at the time.  Her name was Halima, the Egyptian nanny we hired to help Satis and Imsety get adjusted to Simerican life.   Halima was only with us a short time, but her wisdom has stuck with me.  In fact, at at crucial time in my life, she was there when my own biological mother was not.

My journal entry from back then continued.  "What’s wrong with me? I just had my first child, I should be over the moon. Instead I’m completely miserable. Being stuck behind these four walls, with a crying, shitty baby is NOT what I had in mind."

I recall one conversation I had with Halima shortly after AJ was born, over a cooking show, oddly enough.  I had never really talked to her.  She just did her job, and Andy and I just lived our lives.  She broke the ice and asked me what she should call me.  We ended up talking for three hours, about everything.  Then, she startled me by saying the changes in my life had happened so fast, I didn't really have time to adjust.

Was that the problem?  Had she really diagnosed my case that quickly?

Even though I'd had the conversation with Halima, a simweek on, nothing had really changed.  "I still look down at AJ’s crib and see a creature, a stranger, not my own flesh and blood," I continued to write.  "Sure, now I’m able to hold him and feed him… but as far as feeling any kind of connection to him, I just can’t.  I want to…but I can’t."

It wasn't really until AJ became a toddler, when he became less dependent and more mobile, that I was able to form some semblance of a maternal attachment to him.  Education was very important in the house where I grew up, and I took pleasure in developing an early-learning curriculum for him, beginning with “Being Smart for Fun and Profit” and moving to “Squares are Not Triangles” and “Bluish Eggs with a Side of Pastrami,” among others.  He was a quick learner.  As a result of his unusual upbringing, he's bilingual in both Simlish and Arabic.

Indeed, my journal entries improved along with my mood.  "I think I enjoy the actual ‘education’ a lot more than the diaper changes and the feedings and the being awake at night," I wrote.  "Andy, Halima, and I seem to have come to a sort of understanding regarding the nursing and the teaching."

As time went on, we settled into different roles as parents.  Andy doled out the hugs and kisses, while I was the teacher and disciplinarian.

We eventually had four other children, but no experience was as harrowing as the first.

Did I tell you...

...about Skylar's party?

No? 

Well... I'll give you a hint about what happened. 

Police were involved.

Interested yet?

Lean closer....closer...

This all started when Andy and I went out of town.  I was invited to speak at Geek Fest in San Myshuno of all places. 

We were nervous about leaving on this trip, to the point that Andy almost told the cab driver to turn around.

Anyhoo, we told Skylar that we'd enrolled her in Le Fromage Art School.  Of course, she wasn't happy about it.  But she relented eventually.  To say 'goodbye' to her friends at Community School for the Gifted (CSG), she decided to throw herself a little goodbye bash.

Of course, it wasn't a 'little' goodbye party.  It was a huge shindig and it lasted the entirety of the night, through to the next morning, that's what I'm told.

 

Anyhoo, early the next morning, the officer assigned to the Summer Hill beat showed up to our place.  

 

Also, arriving there at the same time as the officer, was my oldest daughter, Sage. 

Sage???  What was she doing there? 

At the time, she was in the middle of planning her wedding.  Who had contacted her?  Why had she showed up at the house?

According to Sage, she had seen the car parked outside and wanted to see what was going on. 

She spotted Skylar in a corner, her face buried in her hands. 

"I looked around the house and I couldn't believe what I saw," Sage told me.

"Skylar's guests had completely trashed the house.  There was garbage everywhere."

"It was terrible.  Some of them were even passed out on the floor."

"The cops wanted to press charges, but I said that I'd handle it. So I began ushering the kids out of the house."

"They began leaving, slowly but surely."


Andy and I would certainly have to deal with this when we returned.  And we did.

Get to know me!

 What is your name?  Savannah Rachel Bellingham Summers Plumb Cheesman
    [b]Do you know why you were named that?[/b]  Whew.  Long story.  Let's start with the beginning.  My parents weren't married when I was born.  So I got my mother's maiden name, which is Bellingham Summers, at birth.  My parents got married when I was about six years old, at the park.  No one said we were traditional. 
Anyway, the name Savannah was from a street in Twinbrook, where my mom is from.  And my mother also wanted names that would double as stage names, so my middle name is actually pronounced like "rachelle."  These are the kinds of things that tend to happen when your family is in show business.
    Single or taken?  Very much taken.  Married to Andrew Cheesman for the last thirty-two years.
    Stop being a Mary Sue! Trust me.  I am NO Mary Sue.  I am the opposite of a Mary Sue.  As a teen, I was on first-name basis with the police.  They knew me.   I was doing all sorts of petty stuff, sneaking out at night, staying out all hours, sleeping in cemeteries, that kind of thing.  I was one screwed kid.
   What’s your eye color?  Emerald green.  I used to hate it growing up because I'm the only family member with it. 
    How about hair color? Cornflower blond like my dad.  I have often wished that I could have been a redhead like my Aunt Margaret or I could have inherited my mother's gorgeous chestnut brown hair.
    Have you any family members? Oh goodness.  Where do I start.  I adopted two kids before getting married (why???) *laughs* and then had five children after I got married.  Then after they started growing up, they had children.  I also have a younger brother who has kids, and then there's my mom and dad.  Well, dad's no longer here, but mom is. 
    Oh, how about pets? My daughter Sage has a bunch, does that count?
    That’s cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don’t like? Let's see, I have a pretty low tolerance for laziness.  And for not reaching your potential.  Definitely.
    Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?  Let's see.  I think I'm like my dad in that I'm pretty active, so I do keep in shape.  At the same time, I'm mentally oriented, so I do a lot of reading, writing, chess, and painting. 
    Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before?  In more ways than I can count.
   Ever… killed anyone before? Not that I can recall.
    What kind of animal are you?  Andy says that I'm a tigress.  So I'd have to go with that. 
    Name your worst weaknesses.  Do you have the rest of the day?   Seriously.  I don't trust anyone, I can be very standoffish, I'm a perfectionist especially with my children, I expect way too much of them, in fact I think I expect them to be carbon copies of me and that is impossible. 
    Do you look up to anyone at all?  I looked up to my Aunt Margaret a whole lot. 
    Are you straight, gay or bisexual?  I've been married to the same man over thirty years so I would have to say I'm straight.
   Do you go to school? I TEACH at a school.  *straightens up* Sims University, to be exact.  It's funny how that happened.  I was wrapping up my tenure at the archives over in Moonlight Falls when John Simlius, the dean of students, contacts me and offers me a job.  Of course I had to talk it over with my husband and my family.  And at the same time, my daughter Sage was applying to go to school there.  Talk about awkward. 
    Ever want to marry and have kids one day? Been there done that!
    Do you have fangirls/fanboys? I would say I have fans.  I have a funny story about that, at the university.  One of the other professors I was having lunch with, I was talking with him, and it took him until the end of the meal to figure out who I was.  I found the whole experience both awesome and pathetic at the same time.
    What are you most afraid of?  Growing old and dying.  And of being forgotten.  Yeah.  Other than that, there isn't too much that scares me.
    What do you usually wear?  Mostly pants, and if not that, tailored, sophisticated clothing.
    What’s one food that tempts you?  Sushi!
    Am I annoying you? Yes!  I need to get back to my novel.
    What class are you?  Upper
    How many friends do you have? Probably my family, that's it.  And my best friend from high school.  I'm amazed she still talks to me. 
 What are your thoughts on pie? My brother's key lime pie is good, but mom's is the best.
  Favorite drink?  Ambrosia?
    What’s your favorite place?  Hmm.  I've been just about everywhere.  But I always end up coming back home to Sunset Valley. 
   Are you interested in anyone?  In what way?
    That was a stupid question.  Exactly.
    Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?  Hmm.  My first time swimming in the ocean by the beach in Sunset Valley was exhilarating, so I'd have to say the ocean.
    What’s your type?  If you mean muscular, athletic redheads of the type I've been married to for the past thirty years, then maybe...
   Any fetishes?  I'll slap you for asking that.
   Camping or indoors? I'm an indoor person married to a camper.  Somehow it works.
   Important life events? Birth of my brother, death of my aunt, first trip abroad, adoption of my children, my wedding, birth of my children, death of my father... 

Tea with Cherise

Tea, anyone?

Hi.  I know it's been awhile. 

Just wanted to tell you that I had tea with my sister-in-law.  Let me tell you, it was... an interesting experience.

First of all, you guys should know that she and my brother, Sebastian, are in the middle of a divorce.   And the reason they're divorcing is because Bassy, in his infinite stupidity, decided to screw his butler.  And his wife found out about it.    Oops.    Let's just say she wasn't happy.

 

Then his oldest daughter, my niece, found out about it, and she wasn't happy either, and she basically called his mistress everything under the sun.  That made two unsatisfied customers.

The day before our tea, Bassy had been on the phone with his divorce lawyer, swearing up and down that he wasn't going to pay her a cent and that he was practically broke.  

He's got this new historical film on Simflix coming up this year.  It's his first major project in years, and he's actually pretty excited about it.

However, there have been some conflicts on the set with his co-star, Emmy Starr.  But I digress.

The morning of the tea, Bassy's mistress (and the household butler) casually drops the bombshell that she's pregnant. 

Cherise confronts him, and he neither confirms nor denies Anissa's claim. 

I got there a few minutes later and fixed her some chamomile tea so she'd feel better.  And then she tells me about Anissa.
"I think she's just trying to see how you react," I tell her in between sips, "I don't think she's really pregnant."

"What if she is?" Cherise asks me. 
"I've been telling you," I advise her, "you need to leave him.  I'm serious, leave him. Take the kids and go. You deserve so much better. Forget the divorce proceedings, these things are skewed in favor of the man, especially if you don't have an A-list lawyer."
"What am I going to do? I don't have any money, I don't have a place to stay -"

"I can call someone, and trust me, I can take him to the cleaners. You and those kids deserve it. I love my brother to death, but he needs to be sent a message. Loud and clear."

I could see Cherise's face crease into a smile.
"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  Sebastian must pay a price for what he has done.  And I don't just mean financially, either."

Unique Blogger Award

Well, might as well spill the beans now as I've been nominated twice here by two extraordinary bloggers with two amazing stories so here goes...

The incredible Jillbg at Grey Witches (a well-written and photographed story about a young teenage witch and her family) and the lovely Lanlyn at Simlish Fair (a collection of stories about sims in different worlds)

Answers to Jillbg's questions:

What is the most annoying thing that has ever happened in your game?

I would have to say when my one teen sim was out skilling and the police arrested her for violating her curfew!  I think that's the one thing I remember...

Do you play with the sound off or on? Why? 

I always play with the sound on!  Helps with the immersion...

Which premade does really get on your nerves?

I can't say I pay much attention to the premades, actually.  In Sims 2 they had such detailed backstories you couldn't help but fall in love with them whether you came across them or not.  Of the premades I've actually come across in my gameplay, I'd have to say one of the most annoying has to be VJ Alvi.  He's currently long dead in my game but he hit my sims and was always mean to them. 

Answers to Lanlyn's questions:

 What are your favorite things to do in The Sims? (just play, challenges, build, design, write stories, create sims, other?)

Mostly I'm a player, I'm not a true storyteller per se, I write mostly what happens in my game.  The one thing I've always loved about the Sims is there is no right or wrong way to play it.  And some people don't even play it, they create for it, and that's okay, too.  Most games, you either win or lose it.  You can't lose at the Sims.  Even when all your Sims die and become ghosts, you can just play them as a ghost family.  

How long have you been playing The Sims? (Sims 1, 2, 3, 4?)

I began playing Sims about 2004-ish. I think I saw Unleashed (Sims 1) in a Walmart and picked it up on a whim. And I went on a forum and started asking questions. There was a very kind and intelligent lady and fellow simmer who answered my questions. We are still friends to this day.  As a matter of fact, a version of her self-sim plays a major role in this story.

Why did you start blogging for The Sims?

I'm not sure actually. I guess I wanted to record what my family was doing, really. No special reason. It just blew up. There was no grand plan. I didn't wake up one day and say, I'm going to do this, that, the other, with my family.  Just didn't happen.  It was more, watch them do whatever and record it, mostly for my own purposes.

Again, I'd like to thank these two incredible storytellers in their own right for nominating me for this award.  It's a tremendous honor, for which I could probably never repay them!  

Nominees:

 Strangetown Here We Come: 

Catching up (part 2)

Anyway, where was I?
Oh yeah, Skylar.  When I was last here, my youngest daughter had an audition for a recurring role on a TV show. 

Baby girl has it in her head that she wants to be a pop star, and who am I to argue with her?

I've always told my kids that whatever makes them happy, will make me happy.  However, I've always had one hard and fast rule - she has to put her education first.  No ifs, ands, or buts.

Even though she doesn't think so, I love her to death.

Anyway, she got the part.  Was there ever any doubt, really?

Contrary to what the naysayers would have you believe, I actually think Skylar is really talented.  She comes from a family of talented people, actually.  They're just not in the immediate family.  

My parents (yes that's my mother in the short pink skirt and that's my father playing the guitar) were both musicians. 

My grandmother was a musician...

So why, why is anyone surprised?  The only surprise here, is that the musical genes in my family didn't show up sooner. 

She's been singing and performing practically since she was in my womb. 

Then, there is her uncle Bassy.  Geez, that boy is so gifted.  I could take him and strangle him sometimes, cause it kills me what he's done with his life.   I've always said that he has more talent in his pinkie than I have in my whole body, and that when it came time to hand out genetic blessings my parents saved them all for him. 

Baby girl has had a few concerts here and there, mostly because I've limited her performances to weekends since she's still in high school and I continue to emphasize education first.    But ironically, Skylar's biggest opportunity came out of her biggest disappointment.

Catching up (part 1)

Hello everyone and happy new year!

First things first.  My oldest biological daughter, Sage Margaret, got engaged over the holidays.   As most of you know, she's been dating her college boyfriend, Kyle Heilman, for nearly two years.  And as far as I can see, they're pretty well matched.

They're both big on gardening, conservation, the outdoors, and the environment.  They stage hunger strikes to support their causes. In addition, Sage rides her horses, paints, sculpts, and does a little writing, too.  The whole show business thing never really appealed to her.  

He proposed to her outside their greenhouse.  No date has been set for the wedding.  One thing is for sure.  I do suspect it will be outdoors.

 

When we found out about Sage's engagement, Andy and I were on the other side of the world, on our own second honeymoon in Shang Simla, China.

In fact, I had been tasked with catching a certain type of koi fish for the ponds at the Scholar's Garden there.

Sierra and Kaydence?  Those two puzzle me more and more every day.  Just before Christmas they took off for Aurora Skies to attend a science and technology convention.

At this point, I don't know who is leading who.  All I know is ever since Kaydence showed up in Sunset Valley with Bassy, those two have basically been inseparable.   Even traveled to the future together.  Even just saying that 'traveling to the future' sounds odd.  But that is par for the course for these two.
And it scares the crap out of me.  If Sierra hasn't already done enough to make your head spin, she's got Kaydence behind her doing even more stuff. 
Kaydence's mother is "Madison Avenue," a charismatic, dynamic, showgirl pop star from Starlight Shores.  Of course, I hate her guts, but you can't deny what she's done.  The woman built herself from nothing to become a legendary pop star.  That she did it mostly on my brother's back was inconsequential... but anyway.  Kady's inherited some of that showgirl panache, given the way she breezed into town.   
But Kady isn't all showgirl flash, either.  She works her ass off, from dawn basically till after the sun goes down. 
She invented this dew that changes sims into different colors, and frankly, it has me spooked.  And she and Sierra have each built plumbots. If I see another bottle of that stuff I will scream.

As for my youngest daughter, Skylar... well,  she had an audition recently for a recurring role on a TV soap - an audition she got, ironically enough, after her biggest disappointment.

It all started with her last gig in the park - a gig that only two people attended.

Skylar was so broken after that gig that I spent the entire night trying to console her.  And she moped around the house for about two days afterward.

On top of that, she wasn't very happy with Mark McCann, the boy she's kinda sorta dating.  As I understand it, Mark was supposed to be at that concert, and it took him nearly two days to call her.

So, to make a long story short, Skylar got a text message - from Kaydence, of all people.  Apparently, the producers of the TV show she works on were looking for an up and coming singer to play a recurring role on the show.  And Kaydence happened to mention Skylar's name...

Andy and I talked about the situation over dinner at the local bistro.  We always make decisions regarding our children together.  He was a little skeptical about it, because he didn't want Skylar to miss school.  We've always regarded school and education as a priority for our kids, which is why Skylar only performs during the weekends and holidays.
To that end, I told him that I had spoken to the producer who assured me that her audition would be on a weekend and not interfere with school, and her education, should she get the role, would be well taken care of.
That seemed to reassure him, and we decided to let her go through with the audition.

Skylar submitted her professionally done photos and went on to her audition.